Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize