chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
