How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
