I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
