Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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