Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
