i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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