last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
