apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
