you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
