I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize