Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Soap is not a condiment
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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