im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
