I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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