how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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