Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
