my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
