i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
