I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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