it was like eating out sand paper
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
