**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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