Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
