Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
