Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
