I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
