We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
