they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
