dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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