and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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