I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
