Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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