Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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