Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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