Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
