Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
