when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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