so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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