don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Holy shit dude........stairs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
