So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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