This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
