What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
