you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
