I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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