I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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