do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just high enough for therapy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
