i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
