so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize