My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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