I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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