I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can I color on your dick again?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I need to align my fucking chakras
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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