so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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