Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize