Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
