happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
