just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
