You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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