tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
