Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
