So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
