Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize