Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
