So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
