he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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