dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
