every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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