so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
