Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
