got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
