They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
